Charmed Life by Gretheline Bolandrina

In High School, I had often refused to answer questions on whether a certain guy was wooing me. This goes back to as early as first year when I was in Isabela. My reason being, when nothing becomes of the so-called “attraction”, it would be just like nothing ever happened to begin with. Saving face. Seems safe and right. Wrong! This is difficult to reminisce without cracking a smile. But for the sake of facing up to my past, allow me to pour out what I have, an atypical love story of sorts which may be viewed as “un-love stories”.

I was never one to feel glorified about having guys fall “head over heels”, as a matter of fact their relatively unassuming declaration of attraction towards me goes unreciprocated till they just fade away to oblivion. I figured if I just ignored them, they’d all just go away. That was how I handled that situation. It is very cowardly, my fish out of water solution. Directly, I thought I wasn’t really breaking anyone’s heart, just “leaving him hanging”. Which now, I realize is a fate worse than outwardly rejecting his declarations. I was wrong thinking no broken hearts, and no need to pick up broken fragments. Much less, no trying to glue them together and telling that the mended whole is as good as new. Never is, never will be. I was eventually to find out that what’s broken is broken. Like the line in Billy Joel’s song, “If you said good-bye to me tonight, there would still be music left to write”. Case in point, here I am writing about loves that in my heart and mind never really were.

I had a wicked secret crush on A.S. He was a classmate even in grade school though neither he nor I ever crossed paths back then. My secret admiration for him was truly hush-hush; not even my closest pal, Phem knew about it. Nothing became of this though we did end up as partners at the Senior Prom for Cotillion, spending gleeful afternoons together for rehearsal. I will never forget how he showed up at the Prom with his Barong rolled in a newspaper! I thought that was funky! He was already going steady with another classmate, and NO, I didn’t mastermind any plan whatsoever for them to break up. I only was able to divulge this covert feeling over a decade after and to someone I’ve shared a close friendship with. Talk about complicated!

As for the other guys, keep calm for I am not naming names. I don’t even remember everyone’s name, so bad. I got the “irk” of a former classmate in 2001 for what I thought was no apparent reason. Only to find out that she’s married to this guy who I almost said yes to going-steady with. That’s why.

So now, what became of the attraction or dare I say, Love? It never dies a natural death. It dies because it wasn’t nurtured right at the beginning. Love dies for lack of replenishment. It dies of blindness, absence, mistakes, lies and betrayal. It also dies because of distance, neglect and weariness.

A bigger lesson I learned as I look back, one never loses by loving. Be unafraid to embrace the possibilities. Be brave and cross the worlds, yours and your amore’s. Discover what awaits you both and be open for enchantment. You almost always lose by holding back. Trust me on that one.

So, to the few who may feel I had victimized them in my time at Pablik, I offer my sincerest apologies. Truly, I was just an immature, carefree adolescent. What matters now, in my present mature heart and mind, is that I see you as brave souls. Again, do not fret; nobody needs to know who you are. I’d just like to remember you though, maybe share a smile, a few stories at the reunion. I would so love to see what became of you (I won’t take full responsibility for your successes or misadventures, hey, I said mature not martyr!) and yet as it was, remember you at your best when your hearts were not broken.

Feel free to e-mail me reactions, comments and or suggestions for ideas to ponder. Contact me at Gretheline@aol.com or through Carousel Productions.