Charmed Life

Gretheline Genciana Ramos-Bolandrina

Self-Esteem

"Nothing profits more than self-esteem, grounded on what is just and right."—John Milton

It helped that I grew up with a “girly-girl” Ate. Since I was a bit of a tomboy as a kid, I have my Ate Grace to thank come time for me to go to the prom or any party for that matter. She did my hair, my make-up. She helped me pick my clothes. Growing up with five sisters, it was difficult not to get compared and labeled. And also, get complacent and settle for the label. We had plenty of labeling relatives up for the task. Since Ate had curly hair, she was “kulot” (curly). Unlike my picky skinny siblings, I had (and still do) a healthy appetite and I got meat! Hence, I was called “taba” (fat). My younger sisters, Dolly was “mahinhin” (modest), Chiqui “matalino” (intelligent), Con “paborito” (favorite) and Jing was “bunso” (youngest) girl, she was the baby. Good thing our parents were so grounded and treated us fairly in spite of all our differences. Imagine what the label would have done for my Ate if she didn’t get over being “kulot”. (She spent her college allowance at Ricky Reyes Studio having her hair straightened, to no avail, only to come to the US, years later and be envied for her curly locks!) Or to me, had I been onion skinned and withdrew every time I was called “taba”. I was always the last to finish at the dinner table, so all bets were on from our labeling relatives that, I’d marry last! Then, there’s the matter of my skin tone. I was darkest in my family. But it didn’t bother me. When my sisters were using bleaching soaps, I wasn’t one to join the wagon. I was content at being morena. Good thing, for when I came to Boston, my colleagues gauged how many more sessions they need at the tanning salon by my color! Go figure.

I was oblivious of how I looked till third grade when a boy in my class nominated me for class muse. I thought it was a joke. I would much rather have been nominated for something that required an ability of sorts than just by the way I looked. I have formed my own self-worth, my self-esteem. A certain Thomas Carlyle said, “Nothing builds self-esteem and self-confidence like accomplishment.” He must have known my parents. Somehow, my Mom knew just the right words to enhance our self-esteem, to open our life to more beauty and peace. She always taught us how to appreciate ourselves and to value the people around us. Show respect, “address people properly, Tito, Tita...” My Dad never hesitated in our abilities, he’d always say, “go, you can do it.” This instilled in us a great appreciation of ourselves and of other people. My parents were always gentle, kind and fair especially to the “kasama” (companions) who were our household help.

I’m writing this piece because of an update I got from a friend, Mary Mallari, RN Executive Director, H.O.P.E. Foundation International (www.hope-foundation.org). She was writing about a girl with Hemangioma. An excerpt from her e-mail is as follows:
“A girl who has the most terrific sense of self worth and I think she is tremendous. That is Charmaine- the little girl with the huge growth on her face. She has very bad scars now since she is a keloid type. The Doctor is giving cortisone injections to lessen them. I took her to the hospital in Manila for her check up and when anyone asked her what had happened she would pull out my folder with all her pictures in it and show them what she looked like before. We stopped at Manila Hotel and she did a dance around the pool like a ballerina. This week she came to the hotel and I gave her a number of dresses. She put on a style show, posing in various areas of the lobby and with different stances. What a huge difference surgery made in her life! She will return to school this year.”

Charmaine’s parents must have been just like mine. And I applaud them. All the people surrounding her, showering her with love, seeing her inner beauty and not what’s attached to the left side of her face. (I know other kids can be mean, and could have, would have called her names.) Kudos to Charmaine herself at such a tender age, for being strong, for keeping faith, for seeing the beauty of life even when she had pain. Even when she looked very different from everybody else, on the outside and when things were probably very difficult for her. Several of my friends at work bought raffle tickets from HOPE that helped fund Charmaine’s surgery. They’re all too happy to see the results. Claudia Berry at SunBridge, a complete stranger to Charmaine couldn’t wait to see her photos. I had mentioned to her how in Charmaine’s photos after the surgery she had the glow and her eyes twinkled. Never mind the scars, they’re her badges of courage. A heartwarming life story, a beautiful ending and beginning for Charmaine. A wonderful lesson I can’t wait to share with my four children. And hey, just to prove the labeling relatives wrong, I did get married first. I was and kind of still am within my ideal body weight. And though my Ate still did my hair and make-up on my wedding day, I got to pick my wedding dress, all by myself!

Feel free to e-mail me reactions, comments and or suggestions for ideas to ponder. Contact me at Gretheline@aol.com or through Carousel Productions.