Charmed Life

Gretheline Genciana Ramos-Bolandrina

Roots and Wings

"Good parents give their children Roots and Wings. Roots to know where home is, wings to fly away and exercise what's been taught them."

The world famous Dr. Jonas Salk had a wonderful insight as proven above. He developed the vaccine against poliomyelitis. Born in NYC, to Russian-Jewish immigrants who had no formal education but were determined to see their children succeed, Salk was encouraged to work very hard and was the first in his family to go to college. Intending to study law, he became intrigued by medical science and attended medical school at NYU. He was hailed as a miracle worker when his vaccine discovery was made public. What eternally endeared him to people was that he refused to patent the vaccine. To quote from what I've researched on Salk, "He had no desire to profit personally from the discovery, but merely wished to see the vaccine disseminated as widely as possible." How completely noble and admirable! His parents truly have instilled in him virtues beyond reproach. Furthermore, Salk founded the Jonas Salk Institute for Biological Studies, an innovative center for medical and scientific research. He continued to conduct research and publish books, some written in collaboration with one or more of his sons, who are also medical scientists. His last years were spent searching for a vaccine against AIDS. He died in 1995 at the age of 80. How truly proud Salk’s parents must have been, how truly proud Salk must have been of his own children!

Parenthood brings profound pleasure, pride and satisfactions. Caring intensely for another human being, not just your significant other but also a miniature combination of you both. For our youngest, Max’s birth announcement, I chanced upon the quote by Elizabeth Stone “Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” And outside my body it had been since. Beginning with Jesi’s birth in 1991, I had been also born. I never existed before, as a mother. The woman existed, the wife, but the mother, never. Being a mother is something absolutely new. And it came with unparalleled pleasure. I find absolute amazement at watching my children grow, of reliving childhood, though theirs is geographically and culturally different than mine, of seeing myself in a new, somewhat unique perspective, and of understanding more about life and its joys, of understanding my own parents’ hopes and dreams.

Do not be deceived, it is not all roses in the Bolandrina household, neither was it in the Ramos household when I was growing up. My parents lived by basic parenthood guidelines which they themselves learned from their parents, and enabled them to blend careers and parenthood. Juggling responsibilities and joys, knowing when to be strict and when to be flexible. Stand your ground or bend a little. Choosing your battles. Trusting one’s instincts. Having the power and consistency to meet needs without sacrificing values. Roots and wings, seems almost impossible to be grounded when one has the overwhelming need to fly. My Dad is a firm believer in planting one's roots, “come back and help the Philippines”; my Mom, she makes us soar, “go ahead, you can do it!”. But both know there is more to having children. Sort of the “Having children makes you no more a parent then having a piano makes you a pianist.” One must spend time and share experiences. Opening one’s self. What is the point in having children if we're not going to be present enough to be a parent to them? I pray that Joe and I are able to follow our own parents’ examples, able to guide our children in life that they too discover their home. That they themselves grow strong roots and expansive wings, and are able to use them.

Feel free to e-mail me reactions, comments and or suggestions for ideas to ponder. Contact me at Gretheline@aol.com or through Carousel Productions.