Charmed Life

Gretheline Genciana Ramos-Bolandrina

Mothers

"All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his."

Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest) wrote that, while Aristotle (384 BC-322 BC) wrote that "Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own." Funny how both quotations I picked on mothers were written by men. Something must be said about that.

My mother, Estrella Luyun Ramos was born to Crispulo and Juanita (Pinugu) Luyun of Isabela, December 5, 1941. I remember my "Inno" (grandmother) telling us the story of how, two days after my Mom's birth, they were all running up to the mountains for safety. Japanese forces attacked the Philippine Islands. I forgot the other parts of my Inno's story. The difficulties of surviving, gathering food, it's a blur. I do remember how her eyes lit up when she re-told stories of my Mom growing up. Her "Leling." Her beautiful star, and in my Inno's eyes, the brightest.

My Mother had an older sister, Patricia who lived only to pre-school age. Henceforth, my Mom became the eldest of 8 siblings. The "Ate" of the brood, "Manang Lel." She set a shining example for her 5 sisters and 2 brothers to follow. She graduated Valedictorian. And true to point, as my proud Inno would say, she's crowned "Prettiest Girl in Town." She came to Manila, studied at Philippine Normal College and was a teacher at 18! She of course met my Dad, they fell in love, got married and the circle of life continued. My Mom delivered all 7 (in almost yearly succession) kids at home in the attendance of a midwife and "hilot." All natural delivery! Having 4 kids of my own, I say "how did she do it?". She worked full time as a school teacher, earned her Master's. She made us special dresses all by hand. Took us on special trips to pick the fabric, what color, what material. She even made us denim bags way before personalized items were in vogue. She can fix a broken necklace, VCR or a broken chair. Very early on, she ingrained, "reduce, re-use, recycle" not only in our vocabulary but also in practice. She taught us how to embroider, crochet and cross stitch. She's a green thumb. Sometimes, she even did our haircuts! She made us read books and magazines, not comics or cartoons. She made us take naps and somehow knew when we didn't. She made us responsible for choices that we make. She had a way of knowing things, of "guilt-ing" us into honesty. Some mother spell, we used to joke about. She somehow knew.

My Mom is a strong woman. My Inno is too. I could only hope to be as strong as both. At a difficult time in my life, my Mom reminded me that I was a strong child, I needed only to harness back that strength. If only it had been so simple. Oh, but true to her words, I did survive. Thirty-eight years of that brilliant guidance, how could I have doubted her wisdom? I live a charmed life, I dare to challenge the hypocrisy of deception. I was nurtured by a selfless woman. One who not only cried when I did but also helped me dry my tears. One who made me appreciate the powers of forgiveness. The wisdom in learning from mistakes. The humanity of being hurt. The value of self-respect. The greatness of faith. Art and appreciation. It had to be so. I trudge an extraordinary voyage of discovery. The mother I always knew. Her words. How I see her now, as a woman. In her photographs, something of the way she wants the world to see her. She is regal. The faint echoes of her voice. . . the quotes from her loving letters, her beautiful creations. If it is such a tragedy that all women become like their mothers, let it be so. I gladly look forward to that tragedy striking me.

Feel free to e-mail me reactions, comments and or suggestions for ideas to ponder. Contact me at Gretheline@aol.com or through Carousel Productions.