Charmed
Life
Gretheline
Genciana Ramos-Bolandrina
Mothering
"The art of mothering is to
teach the art of living to children.”—Elain Heffner
I’m writing this inspired by what I’m
seeing my friend Rose Palis is doing with her children. We just got back
from International Night at the Southern New Hampshire University (SNHU)
where our kids and their friends from Iskwelahang Pilipino performed
Binasuan and Tinikling to a gym full of international college
students and various members of the community. Rose being connected with
SNHU, School of Community Economic Development was extremely busy with the
event preparations including hosting the kids at dress rehearsal (feeding
and entertaining a mix of male and female pre-teens and teenagers totaling
11!). Quite a feat! She’s courageous, even taking all the kids to the
mall, a treat for participating in the dances (which included rehearsals
 3 weeks prior). Of course she had help, her eldest
Marijo is quite mature for her sweet age of 16. Marijo was Rose’s right
hand, her assistant. There’s also her close friend Chato who helped
with the young ladies’ make up on the day of the event. Rose’s
boys Joseph and Julian did their part as directed. Rose in a hand-embroidered
Filipiniana outfit, complete with classic pearls, immediately prior
to the start of the program proper weaved through the sea of students like
a butterfly dancing on flowers. She appeared as the unofficial
“Mayora” welcoming guests at a town fiesta. She had grace
and tenacity, qualities I know I would have not mustered, had I been in her
shoes. She’s got the art of mothering down pat and adhered to it in
spite of a drastic change in their life. Rose is new at this game, that of
being a single Mom.
I definitely am not a perfect Mom. Ours is
far from a perfect household. We do live a charmed life, an American
dream—a comfortable home, two vehicles and two plus two children. I
do enforce rules, serve vegetables (in spite of being culinary challenged)
and guide my children in their “rumbles and tumbles” as young
Filipino-American citizens. Theirs is a different life from what I
had growing up in a third world country, the Philippines.
Several specific incidents in my childhood
guide me as the mother I am today. In third grade, I remember a boy in my
class winning a poster contest of some sort, regarding dental care. He won
a prize and as he came up the stage to accept it, his work was displayed.
I looked and thought to myself, I could have done a better job. I could have
won too. Mentioning this to my Mom, she said, “Well, honey, you can’t
possibly win if you don’t join in the first place.” Hmm, something
clicked in my head. In fifth grade, one of my close friends trained for track
and field; she was an awesome runner. She invited me to join her at the school
tryouts. With all my enthusiasm, I signed up and I ran. I didn’t make
the cut but my Mom said, “Good try! What matters is that you gave it
your best shot.” Click, click in my head. In sophomore year, I got second
place at “speed reading”. Writing poems was a pastime as a junior
in high school. I won a school wide poetry contest one day and was sent to
compete at a regional level. There, at the City Hall with other winners from
their respective schools, I did my very best. Someone else did much better.
I came home and broke the news to my Mom, “I won and lost on the same
day.” I wasn’t hurt or bitter, more in a daze. And then my Mom
said, “winning builds confidence, losing builds character.” Click,
click, and click. I get it completely. And I have lived it up all throughout
college. I completed my BSN degree, no big wins but a lot of character building.
As a Journalism student summer 2001, I joined the Harvard Sun Design Contest
and won. I e-mailed my Mom and she replied with, “Congratulations!”
I could almost see her smile through the computer screen. To this very day,
I participate in as many competitions as my time allows. My children are
encouraged to do the same. Among the “wins” my children has savored
are: Jessica (14) an essay contest, coloring contest and painting contests,
Gino (12) drawing contest, Lilly (4) and even Max (2) have both won at
Douglas’ Oktoberfest art contests. There are multiple “character
building” opportunities around and I thank my Mom for making me appreciate
contests as one of them. After all is said and done, life is not all about
winning; sometimes it’s about losing and learning the lessons with it.
What matters is that we do learn.
I’m not sure what kind of childhood Rose
had, what kind of lessons her own mother imparted. One thing I know for sure,
she’s teaching the art of living to her children as best she could.
Francis Maitland Balfour said: “The best thing to give to your enemy
is forgiveness; to an opponent, tolerance; to a friend, your heart; to your
child, a good example; to a father, deference; to your mother, conduct that
will make her proud of you; to yourself, respect; to all men, charity.”
And I think Rose is well on her way to doing that. And that’s just perfect!
Feel free to e-mail me reactions, comments
and or suggestions for ideas to ponder. Contact me at
Gretheline@aol.com or through Carousel
Productions. |
