Charmed Life

Gretheline Genciana Ramos-Bolandrina

Fathers

"Fathers be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters too"

John Mayer, Artist for "Daughters." I tried finding a decent quote about fathers but couldn't find one to my liking. I remember hearing this song and thinking how it rings true. I could picture my Dad, in his younger years, singing this song. He could be strumming his guitar on this tune. He once was a band member from what oral history I gathered. I remember him and my Mom dancing to "Smoke Gets In Your Eyes." I remember his enthusiasm, yelling "life begins at 40" on his 40th natal day. His seriousness in giving me career advice "be a nurse and go to America!" His patriotism (always give back to your country, the Philippines can use all the help), his spirituality ("we can do all things through Christ. . .") I learned charity, very early on, through my father's eyes. From buying double the pan de sal we need (because he pities the vendor) to "pakyaw" (buying all) a little Sampaguita girl's garlands so she can go home and rest. He's a believer of teaching a man to fish versus just giving one a fish. Somehow though, it applies very roughly to relatives in his bloodline. The Ramos Clan. My Dad gave freely like there was no tomorrow. I can hear his voice ringing, "Ano?" (what), Happy, happy!

Very recently retired, the "Honorable" as my Ate Grace and her barkada refer to my Dad, Teodolo Collantes Ramos, (1/4 Spanish and 3/4 Filipino). He's the youngest of 4, the only male. Yet, he had an older brother, also a Teodolo who, we are told, died in his early years. When my grandparents had my Dad, they named him Teodolo also. My Mama Fing (one of Dad's sisters) told us Teodolo meant gift from God. I've not looked up my Dad's name, though often, in documents he's been erroneously referred to as Teodoro. For this article, I found Theodulus, masculine, ancient Greek (Latinized) which meant "slave of god," derived from theos "god" and doulos "slave." This name was borne by several early saints. Well, that blows away any connection, for my father is neither a slave nor a saint. Growing up, pretty much in Isabela. He got around, girlfriends you can't count on all digits, hands and feet. I've had the privilege of meeting a few while in his hometown. On a college scholarship at the University of Santo Tomas, Litt. B, Journalism, he also worked at a bowling alley. He then became a police reporter. Then his beat was travels. There's stories about Martial law. The Evening News, Tempo. Being the night editor of Manila Bulletin. His one true love is my Mom. He gave up a chance in China because of our growing family. He wanted a son, and a son he got, by the birth of his 7th child. He completed Law, just as we, his daughters were in grade school. He loves "matamis na bao" (coconut jam) and chicken noodle soup. He is not a handy man but hires rehabilitated "bilibid" boys (correctional men) for handy work. He is not a farmer but hires the best help to clear land, cultivate and then donate crops to the same unfortunate people. He buys artwork by struggling Filipino artists. He collects Santo Niño statues. He's not easily impressed, he is deeply rooted. He doesn't remember all of our birthdays, but, he doesn't even remember his own! He never feigns affection. He beams as a grandfather. He claims, my son Gino Ray, his first grandson is a genius. I'd smile and he'll say, "just you wait and see!"

I have numerous fond childhood memories of being the son my Dad always wanted. I was encouraged to play with toys meant for boys. I had the coolest slingshot. Outside of a bike, a tryke, I also had a red metal jeep. I was allowed to climb trees. I got my own basketball, court and all. It was OK for me to get in our jeep, on the side, by stepping on the tires. With my Dad, I wore denim outfits. I skinned my knees without being reprimanded. In fifth grade, I got the biggest gold Timex wristwatch. I read his Reader's Digest and TIME Magazines. With my brother Jun's (yes, he's Teodolo, Junior) birth, I was surrendered to being a girl. Just as well, I was nearing going to dances and the prom! Never one to give advice on matters of the heart, my Dad's only request was that we finish college before getting seriously involved in a relationship. In 1990, when I told my Dad I got a ring for my birthday from Joe, his response was, "I trust your judgement." He had so much confidence in me. It sometimes scares me but on the same token, it strengthens me even more. I am so proud to be his daughter. I eagerly anticipate my parents pending visit this summer. It'll be a time for my Dad to relax and enjoy his grandchildren. A little gardening here, sightseeing there. To see our new home, experience our way of life. See even our black lab Abu. For him to see how good he has been to me. How I love, in life like he does.

Feel free to e-mail me reactions, comments and or suggestions for ideas to ponder. Contact me at Gretheline@aol.com or through Carousel Productions.