Charmed Life by Gretheline Bolandrina

Why I picked McLaughlin’s quote I can’t explain. Neither can I say anything about motive. Asking what motivates me to write would be like asking what makes me breathe? There is so much power in the written word. Words can change lives. I know that, I’ve known that since I was a kid. My Dad was a writer and I’ve always wanted to be one.

I am perfectly sane - - - just don’t look up my online (and text) shenanigans. If this were Facebook, my status update would read this way: “Gretheline is . . . so sorry that her reckless e-mailing & texting has rendered her utterly insane!” In my other life, I am a wife, mother of four, Registered Nurse working part time as a Clinical Instructor and part time as a staff nurse at a Sub-Acute-Rehabilitation facility. Again, don’t look up my sent and received text messages, my YM chats/conferences and e-mails both in and outbox. I’ve had my AOL account about mid 90’s (did im’s around the same time), learned to send (and receive!) text messages just about a year ago along with joining conferences and chats in YM messenger.

So, why, you may be wondering, “My Sincerest Apologies”? I do believe, in my bold and courageous zest for tapping away on my laptop keys and “self-publishing” if you will, techie-style (you name it phone, Friendster, Facebook, my e-columns and even on e-groups) “my stories”, “my opinions” and “my feelings” I have in essence brandished words as weapons. In the process I stepped on toes, crossed the line. This pertains to any and all communications as well as my “Charmed Life” pieces that I’ve set out for “all the world” to read.

I’ve actually been broadcasting my life; to quote a friend, “You're practically writing us a book. Although so far, you're just giving us 'back then' stories. If anyone else is like me when reading your pieces, then we are titillated by it all. It's almost cathartic, liberating, and at the same time gives one a feeling of giddiness.” And here lies the problem, as friendship isn’t just one big thing, it's a million little things. And for my many little nuggets and snippets, words strung together, I learned I have injured some parties, hurt someone.

For being wronged, I am unable to offer any compensation. All I have, ironically, are words to help you heal because you’ve been hurt. I apologize for being insensitive, bratty, disloyal, disrespectful, flirty and just plain writing out of character. May this piece serve as the acknowledgment of the hurt I have done. I offer no excuses and I take full responsibility for what I’ve written. I do promise to be more careful with all my communications from here on, hoping that you find it in your heart(s) to give me a chance to do so.

Now, if I were in my teens, this might all be filed under the things kids do out of boredom. But, this is the here and now. I am not in my teens; I am in fact old enough to have two teens of my own. You have every right to judge me by what I’ve put out there. I’ve heard it said before, “You may regret your silence once, but you will regret your words often." Spoken or written, looking back, I do have this to regret that too often when I communicate I focus only on myself. What I have to say, never how my words will be received. I ought to keep in mind that what I put out there is just as important as what I keep in my heart. I know that a few years from now I will look back at this as a learning experience. I’m quite certain writing this piece is the ethical thing to do. I thank you for indulging me. I ask for forgiveness. I will regret not having done so at this point, knowing that regret for things we did can be lessened with the passing of time, it’s the things we didn’t do that is inconsolable. Not my words entirely, I read that somewhere. And I believe it.

Now, for my status update: Gretheline is . . . hoping that she got you at “Sorry”, regretting that too often when she wrote (as when she loved), she didn’t always recognize where the fine line is.

Feel free to e-mail me reactions, comments and or suggestions for ideas to ponder. Contact me at Gretheline@aol.com or through Carousel Productions.